Our man in Tokyo

At high school I… found myself the lone skeptic when my Social Studies teacher Ms Ellis predicted a future of paperless offices and increased leisure time. We would, she explained, have to find things to do with all of our free time. Ha!

My first relationship was… more successful than most of the subsequent ones.

I wish I’d never worn… those knickerbockers mum made for me.

My mother told me… not to pay any attention to the kids at school who beat up on me for wearing the knickerbockers. "They are just jealous," she explained.

I wish I had... more hours in a day. Or maybe a private island a la The Thunderbirds. But if part of the deal was becoming a marionette with giant eyebrows, I'll take the extra hours.

My most humiliating moment was... primary school.

At home I cook… Italian, Lebanese and high-cholesterol breakfasts.

My last meal would be… eaten (hopefully) without any forewarning of my impeding doom. Can't imagine enjoying it knowing I was about to be struck down by lightning or sat on by a hippo.

I’m very bad at… being phlegmatic.

When I was a child… I once set fire to a building. But don't tell anyone.

The book that changed my life is… Tough question. I guess I'd probably have to say T.S. Eliot's Collected Poems.
It’s not fashionable, but I love… salarymen and their routines.

Friends say I am… interested in too many things, usually all at the same time.

The song I’d like played at my funeral is… Born Dancin' beat me to 'Another one bites the dust,' so I'll choose The Spaniels' 'Goodnight Sweetheart'. I'm going for the whole David Lynch-style send-off.

If only I could… kick my 24 habit.

The last big belly laugh I had was… while watching The Daily Show.

What I don’t find amusing is… foreigners joking about 'stupid Japanese customs'.

I’m always being asked… If I can eat sushi.

If I wasn’t me… I'd like to know who else has a thing for soviet-style nightclubs.

At the moment I’m listening to… Around 20 different podcasts. Beats listening to J pop on the radio.

My favourite work of art is… by Otto Dix.

If I were a car I’d be… jealous of airplanes.

I often wonder… who writes these things.

TAG: Alien Ted and Kartar.