« Band photography | Main | The Wedding »
September 26, 2007
Flux
An old comrade here in Tokyo recently announced that he is considering going back to the States early next year. Over nomihodai beers and quesadillas, he explained how after six years the time had come to say goodbye to Japan and make a triumphant return to Philadelphia. I responded in my usual mature way:
“You f!$@ing what!?!”
How, I wondered, could a guy who seemed so at home with the worst excesses of the Tokyo lifestyle even consider trading it in for Philly steaks and a murder rate which would make Bogotá seem civilized?
“Well, I'm gonna go home and then move someplace big like New York”
“Oh... well... that's fine then”
The fact is that over the past year or so, most of my old friends in Tokyo have left the city. One by one, they've declared their intentions, hocked their TVs, illegally disposed of their futons and boarded flights home.
All these goodbyes have left me feeling like I've just been through a bad break-up. You know... that cut-down-with-a-steamroller feeling that makes one question what the hell you've been doing for the past couple of years of your life and why you bothered investing so much time and energy into a relationship that couldn't possibly have turned out any differently. “So you wanna leave Tokyo? Leave all this? Well do what you have to do, but I think you're making a big mistake... a BIG mistake mister!”
And like any breakup, after it happens, people start telling you what they really think. Sure, they might have said nice things about your job and your other friends when you were together, but once they announce they are leaving, its all “You should really leave that crummy company” and “What are you doing wasting your life with those guys?”
So I'm thinking how to pick myself up again. I talked to an older, seemingly wiser guy at work who has been in town forever. I was looking for a sympathetic ear, and knew he would be able to set me straight. His advice?
“Sounds like you need new friends.”
“But I liked the ones I already had!” I countered.
“Tough.”
Posted by Marcus at September 26, 2007 11:46 AM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.bylingo.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/166
Comments
One of the difficult things of the expat life! We've already seen it a couple of times, people we thought would stay forever suddenly returning home, others who wanted to stay having to go back, ...I think it's something you don't always control, but whenever possible you should follow what your heart tells you.
As I read once, "Life went according to the old patterns, as it goes in life. New friends came and old friends left. Like ghosts in our memory they drifted in and out of our story. We let them go. You shouldn't hold on to ghosts." (Kuki Gallman - I dreamed of Africa)
It's arough translation as I read the book in Dutch ;), but I think there's some truth in there. You can't do more than to try and respect their decision and hope they will do the same for you. And as long as you are happy with where you are, what you are doing, I don't see any need others to tell you that you should change it.
Posted by: Ilse at December 5, 2007 10:45 AM